I thought it would make things easier for me when I made a final decision of dismissing you out of my life. But no, it just made things more difficult than I thought.
Way back in college, we were friends. In fact, I considered you as someone special. We were introduced together by a common friend, and since then, we instantly hit it off. That was the start of something more decent a relationship than just mere friends talking to each other.
The frequent meetings we had had drawn us closer together that we actually developed a brother and sister relationship. As days went on, we started having breakfast, lunch and dinner together. We even had late-night chitchat of little secrets, gossips, and jokes.
All the while I thought I was really contented having you around as a friend and brother.
But I was wrong.
I thought it was just a developed feeling drawn from our constant companionship. But that developed feeling was too deep for comfort. I know you will disapprove of it.
I created a monster out of me, a monster that will surely ruin our friendship. A monster that is dear to me. And if that monster will only mean I have to lose you as a friend – no way. I must get rid of it. And I, myself, will have to do it.
I have to be away from you. That, for me, is the right thing alone.
To be away from you will end my foolishness though I know it would be hard. Simply forgetting you would not be that easy because I don’t even know if I could ever do that. That’s the farthest thing from my mind!
But it’s the feeling within me… the feeling I’ve been hiding for so long. This feeling that must be punished… this feeling that must end… the soonest.
Yes, I’ve been a fool in loving you because I allowed myself to get so attached to you even though I knew you already love someone else.
And that hurt.
The mere thought of her pinches my heart. And when you talk of her, I feel like exploding. Yes, I’m starting to get jealous.
I’ve been successful enough in hiding my special feelings for you (I think). But my conscience is bothering me because I’ve been a traitor to you since you’ve been treating me fairly. And I…I’ve been using our friendship in keeping it from you. I know it’s not right, but what can I do?
Yet, I need to decide.
We’re both married now, and we have since kept in touch. And while the feeling stayed as something to be cherished, I still have been successful in keeping it from you.
I’m glad it happened this way.
My heart had found its home. And our friendship stood still.
Confession of a Friend
DMF/2001
the feelings i have 