STRANGERS – that’s what we are… that’s how I felt when I saw you again. Funny, but there were no more sparks, no heart throbbing chest, no feelings at all…
just like – strangers…
it IS for the best because ‘some good things never last’… I’ll remember the good times and forget about the not-so-good things… and I am thankful for the wonderful gift you have given me…  but that’s all there is… nothing more, nothing less…
I’ve had enough and I will never walk the same path towards your direction again… the lessons I learned will be my guide as I have closed the only door I have and all the windows around me – for you…
for good…
Thank you and goodbye.
(heidesays)
P.S. Putting this here again for those who haven’t read it. Originally written on January 31, 2016.
This post is not part of my scheduled posts until March. I just happened to see the folder on my laptop where this picture is stored.
Here we go again. Don’t hate me for this. I am just sharing and letting you know how brave and strong I am (I think).
Ten years ago, or ten and a half years ago, I had breast operation.
We had this annual physical and medical exam at work and that’s where lumps in both breasts were found out. It really didn’t freak me out because I have known for a fact that women in my father’s family has it. And sad as it may seem, my sisters and I inherited it.
I had a giant fibroadenoma on my left breast (7.7 x 6.0 cm) and multiple fibroadenoma on my right (3.0 x 2.0 cm and 2.5 x 1.0 cm). Subcutaneous mastectomy was done on my left and a wide excision breast mass on my right on June 15, 2011. My doctor told me that it has 80 to 90% chance of recurrence. And yes, it can lead to cancer. Thankfully, it hasn’t, since then. But she also told me to monitor my daughter when she starts menstruating since it runs in the family, so to speak.
Actual photo but blurred a little
Please excuse the photo but seeing how it looked like when it was taken out of me made me think: how in the world can small breasts like mine have that big ball inside? You tell me because I really don’t know. But my doctor told me that it’s not about the size of the breast. Tumors grow anywhere they want to.
Maybe now you can understand why I cried so much on my previous post December 31, 2021 3:35PM. First, breast and now, my painful right hip.
After my vehicular accident, I realized how strong I am. Because the Lord will not give me something that which I can’t bear, physically and mentally. Even my doctor told me that I have high pain tolerance. Maybe God thought:She just shrugged off the giant tumor on her breast. What if she encounters an accident? What will she do? Will she eventually hate Me for it?
Those were my thoughts!
But just two nights ago, I was crying in pain again. And I was like telling God: can we just stop the pain, Lord? The pain is something like my nerves from the waist down to my foot is being pulled or something. And it’s not making me sit or lie down so I stay standing on my left leg until it eventually subsides. And I’m so tired from work that I wanted to sleep but just can’t, yet. And that happens always. Yes, always.
I’m beyond thankful that the tumor didn’t recur. I am grateful that I have lived after the accident. I am blessed to be able to continue to work even after those operations. And as painful as it is, still, there’s just so many things, so much in life to be thankful for. 🥰🥰🥰
No matter how hard you think it is, you just have to move forward, positively, that is. Because life goes on whether you like it or not.
That’s life.
Thanks for reading. Posts on Sundays and Wednesdays. You may share this:
the feelings i have 