New challenges

The months starting from July have been too much to handle.

In July before my birthday, I learned that the reason I am still in pain is that the implant protruded outside of the bone. Apparently, the procedure done to me was a partial hip replacement. It should have been a total hip replacement. Honestly, I thought it was total hip until the new surgeon told me it was not. It needs to be replaced with a new implant for total hip arthroplasty. A force on the affected leg is what’s making it painful as the friction between the bone and the head of the implant (femoral head) collides.

The problem with it is that I don’t have the money to pay for the implant, itself. I need to prepare Php 200,000.00 (around 3,579.74 USD) for the implant, and my HMO will take care of the hospital expenses, laboratories, and doctor’s fees (thank goodness!). With my salary alone, it’s impossible. Remember, I have a daughter in college, who, although under a free tuition program, is living in a dormitory which is not free plus her other expenses like food, transportation, and miscellaneous (school supplies).

I told a friend about it and she gave me a ‘side job’ of proofreading some materials. It’s not much (around Php 500.00/material) but a little help is a big help. I’m continuously adding it up to my jar until it reaches the needed amount.

Come September and another not-so-good news came. I am diagnosed with hyperthyroidism which I didn’t know I have. I came to visit a doctor because I’ve been having hand tremors since 2020. At first, it wasn’t really bad until I noticed that I’m not able to understand my own handwriting! I stopped writing in my notebook and instead wrote in my personal notepad for my diary.

As soon as the doctor heard me say I have hand tremors, she immediately said, “You have a thyroid problem.” Blood tests and ultrasound confirmed it and I’m under medication now.

My hip operation was canceled, too. I need to recover first from hyperthyroidism because it’s affecting my heart. Once my thyroid activity has normalized, the operation will proceed but that is if I have collected the amount of the implant to replace the old one. I am way far behind yet but I know I’ll get there.

These new challenges are all exasperating and motivating at the same time.

But life continues.

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© 2022 / Adelheid Michael

I won’t

I want to say, I’m stopping.
I want to say, I’m done and over with.
I want to say, I’m quitting.

But I can’t.
I shouldn’t. I mustn’t.
I don’t want to.
I wouldn’t want to.
I won’t.

Because…

There are people who are sickly than I am.
There are children with no parents at all.
There are parents who doesn’t have children.
There are families with no roof over their heads and food to fill their stomachs.
There are workers who are not compensated well enough.
There are individuals who doesn’t even have a job.
There are students who can’t continue their studies.

Who am I to even complain?

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© 2022 / Adelheid Michael

What I want to be

My dream was to be a teacher. If I took up education in college, I’d probably be a doctor in education now. But because of my parent’s decision, I didn’t take education. They said, both families are educators and doctors, so I have to take a different path.

At that time, I didn’t have the courage to express what I truly want. I thought, I can just take teaching units after I graduate and pass the Licensure Exam for Teachers. For some reason, it didn’t happen.

Years passed, I got married and became a mother. When my daughter was six years old, she wanted to be a nurse. Then, one day, when we visited her former school, she was introduced to the class by her former adviser. And while the teacher and I exchanged pleasantries, some of the kids started asking my daughter for help in their activity. The teacher allowed her to interact and ‘teach’ the preschoolers. Since then, she wanted to be a teacher.

_Pinterest

Now that she’s twenty, she still dreams of becoming a teacher but she also wants to be a veterinarian. She asked if she can still take up Doctor of Veterinary Medicine, I said, yes. So we came up with an agreement of finishing her veterinary studies first and take up teaching units (18 units) after, then take the Licensure Exam. Hopefully, she passes. 🙏🏻

I don’t want to get in the way of my daughter’s dream. I want her to create and walk on her own path. I’m here to guide her, give advice if needed, and support her all the way. The course she’s taking is financially ambitious but thank God, she is under free tuition fee for the whole seven years. I am only paying for her dormitory fee, and then there’s her weekly allowance.

My salary is, honestly, not enough for her college. Most of the time, I apply for government loans for her tuition fee. If not for her discounted tuition fee in high school and then this free tuition in college, I don’t know how she’d continue her studies.

I didn’t get to pursue my dream of becoming a teacher but I promised myself that if I will be a mother, I will support what my child wants to study in college. And I remembered that promise. 🥰

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© 2022 / Adelheid Michael

Not in DNA but in the heart

^Hespeler

I have a story about this that is so close to heart. Every time I hear of it, it makes me cry, tears of joy running down my cheeks. I’m preparing it for another post.

Been busy for the past months and not able to check my email but from time to time, I try to read some posts from you even for a few hours. Thank you!

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© 2022 / Adelheid Michael

Favoritism

Four Sisters and a Wedding is a Filipino comedy-drama movie about four sisters and a brother who’s getting married.

The four sisters are attempting to stop the wedding of their younger brother to his girlfriend making them look like protective sisters. But the real drama in the movie is the confrontation between the eldest and the second child.

What is it about? Favoritism.

The second child confessed to feeling alone and jealous because the mother always favors the eldest (and the youngest who is the only boy among the siblings). She continued to say that even though she gets awards and medals in school, she was never complimented by the mother and that she focuses more on attending to the needs of the eldest child. She further explained that even when their father was alive, she was not also his favorite.

Sounds familiar, right? But do you believe that parents have favorites among their children? I’d say, yes and no.

In the movie, the mother said she doesn’t have any favorites, it’s just that the eldest and the youngest children are emotionally and intellectually weak than her (the second child) that she gave them much attention and time, and that it doesn’t mean that they’re her favorites.

I guess, it can be a valid reason for the mother. Still, she should not have been too obvious about it.

My take?

Parents would not easily notice that they play favorites unless told. Usually, it’s the child (children) and the people around the family who notices it. I’m one of the people. Not being judgmental, but it is easily recognizable.

But, hey, I also play favorites. We are five siblings (three girls and two boys, in that order) and my favorite is the youngest. My youngest brother is now 28. He was born when I was 21. My younger brother is already 46 years old, a 17-year gap between them. Because of our age gap, people often mistake him to be my son. 😁😅😆

For me, favorite or not, we should still strive to pursue our dreams, do good, be good, and feel good about ourselves.

P.S. Thank you, all, for the thoughts you shared about favoritism.

© 2022 / Adelheid Michael