Dear Jon

It’s this time of the year. How can I forget? No, I never will.

When did we meet? Where did me meet?

It was July 23, 1990 when we first met, introduced together by a friend and dormmate, at Forestry Residence Hall, our dormitory. I was talking to Tony and then you passed by coming from your room on second floor. You greeted Tony and he introduced me to you. You said ‘Hi’ and continued on saying: “I heard it was your birthday a Saturday ago. Belated happy birthday!” To which I said: “Yes, thank you, but how did you know?” You answered: “Oh, I heard it from one of the residents upstairs.” I remembered I smiled but didn’t answer anymore.

After a few bumps here and there, you invited me for lunch which was really a surprise. Even the girls on first floor were like ‘why is he calling her for lunch?’ I never thought of it, not even our dormmates. No, not our dormmates, for sure! 😆

I believe that was when our friendship really started. I mean, that sealed our friendship! That lunch was followed by dinner then breakfast then lunch again and so on. And it’s been our routine ever since.

Ah, I have sooooooo many good and happy memories with you which I’ll always treasure and keep in my heart. All of it are vivid in my mind. Even when my eyes are closed, I can still recall what we did, the things we talked about and the places we went to.

Time flew so fast. You’re in your early 50’s now. I’m nearing 50. It’s been 32 years and we’re still friends. You’ve always treated me like a little sister. And, well, I treated you like a big brother… and more. What?!? 😮😮😮

I pray that you never find this blog because you might know of my little and long-standing secret. 😁😁😁

Happy birthday, Jon!

Know that I will always be here for you.

Take care. Love you.

(heidesays)

Confession of a Friend

Photo by 165106 from Pixabay

I thought it would make things easier for me when I made a final decision of dismissing you out of my life. But no, it just made things more difficult than I thought.

Way back in college, we were friends. In fact, I considered you as someone special. We were introduced together by a common friend, and since then, we instantly hit it off. That was the start of something more decent a relationship than just mere friends talking to each other.

The frequent meetings we had had drawn us closer together that we actually developed a brother and sister relationship. As days went on, we started having breakfast, lunch and dinner together. We even had late-night chitchat of little secrets, gossips, and jokes.

All the while I thought I was really contented having you around as a friend and brother.

But I was wrong.

I thought it was just a developed feeling drawn from our constant companionship. But that developed feeling was too deep for comfort. I know you will disapprove of it.

I created a monster out of me, a monster that will surely ruin our friendship. A monster that is dear to me. And if that monster will only mean I have to lose you as a friend – no way. I must get rid of it. And I, myself, will have to do it.

I have to be away from you. That, for me, is the right thing alone.

To be away from you will end my foolishness though I know it would be hard. Simply forgetting you would not be that easy because I don’t even know if I could ever do that. That’s the farthest thing from my mind!

But it’s the feeling within me… the feeling I’ve been hiding for so long. This feeling that must be punished… this feeling that must end… the soonest.

Yes, I’ve been a fool in loving you because I allowed myself to get so attached to you even though I knew you already love someone else.

And that hurt.

The mere thought of her pinches my heart. And when you talk of her, I feel like exploding. Yes, I’m starting to get jealous.

I’ve been successful enough in hiding my special feelings for you (I think). But my conscience is bothering me because I’ve been a traitor to you since you’ve been treating me fairly. And I…I’ve been using our friendship in keeping it from you. I know it’s not right, but what can I do?

Yet, I need to decide.

We’re both married now, and we have since kept in touch. And while the feeling stayed as something to be cherished, I still have been successful in keeping it from you.

I’m glad it happened this way.

My heart had found its home. And our friendship stood still.

Confession of a Friend
DMF/2001

a leap within

When I returned to the lobby, I saw him watching the news.

I don’t know, but something made me stop and just stare at him.

That was the first time that I had a side view of his face. That was the first time that I ever looked at him.

And I felt a sudden leap within.

(From It’s You by Adelheid Michael)

DISCLAIMER:  I don’t own the pictures, clip art, images.

Ben

Photo by Pexels from Pixabay

Can it be that one may love the same person until he dies? I don’t know, but somehow, I’d like to think it is possible.

I was only seventeen when I first met him, and finally fell in love with. I am twenty-two years old now and still in love with him.

Five years. For five years, I held on to his love. Yes, five years. I held on to a love that was never mine, and, I guess, will never be. For five years, I have waited for him to love me. I kept my patience, hoping and waiting.

Deep in my heart I still love Ben. I am not sure if I can really forget my feelings for him. But, I don’t know if I can wait for, yet, another five years. I’ll just cross the bridge when I get there. But, I’ll always pray for him.

Five years from now, I’ll try to write again. By that time, I’ll be 27. Single or married, I’ll just wait and see. But, as for now, my love for him remains. As to when it will end, I do not know. If that time comes, I’ll still remember him.

The man I will keep in my heart… for as long as I live… Ben.

Ben
DMF/September 25, 1995

Dear Jon

Would it have been better if I didn’t see you as a big brother and you to me as a little sister?
Would you have fallen for me like I do to you?
Sometimes I wonder what will it be like had we fallen in love with each other
But have you ever thought of it?
Ah, I wish you had
I hope you did
Yet, even if you did not
Just always remember
The memories we had, the things we did together, and all the other moments we shared
Those are cherished and treasured, and will be kept for a lifetime

(heidesays)

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own the pictures, clip art and images.