Missing You

Alone in our room
Staring at the ceiling
Thinking of what you are doing
Worrying if you’re coping up.

My eyes turned watery
Tears flooded my pillow
Can’t help myself to stop crying
Because I am truly missing you so much.

(heidesays)

I have never been separated from my daughter, except when I was at the hospital because of the accident and when she visits Lola’s farm (which only lasts for two days).

Since school started on September 5, she’s been living in the dormitory. And I’ve been silently crying at night. Even though she’s coming home on Fridays and returning to the dorm on Mondays, it still feels empty without her sleeping beside me.

I am such a crybaby.

.

© 2022 / Adelheid Michael

Single Mother

This post is for the single moms out there.

It may not be the conventional family you may have wanted but you committed and dedicated yourself to be the best parent you can be to your child.

My deepest respect to you.

Letter to Kellie

Dear Kellie,

It’s still clear in my memory. The look in your eyes, the touch of your small hands, the yawn you make, your smile, your soft cry, the double chin and the round belly.

To have you in my life is the most wonderful thing that ever happened to me. Each day was filled with excitement as I patiently wait for you to come out of my womb – to see you, to touch you, to kiss you, to carry you in my arms. And when you came, oh you were so beautiful, so fragile. And I prayed to God: “Dear Lord, thank You for this precious one. I promise that I’ll take care of her, guide her under Your teachings so that she’ll grow up in Your love and protection.”

Where did the time go? Has it been twenty years already?

In a snap of a finger, you’ve become a grown woman. One day, you’ll get a job, get married, have a child of your own, probably be a grandmother.

But to me, you’re still my baby, my precious one. And no matter how old you will become, for as long as I live, I will be here for you.

Happy birthday, Kellie! I love you.

When I grow up

From first grade to sixth, we were asked about what we would like to be when we grow up. Most of us wanted to be a teacher, a doctor, a taxi driver, among others. Our teachers were probably trying to see if our dreams or ambitions will change every time we add years to our age.

In 6th grade, I wrote differently. Well, I didn’t really think different about it. I just felt that, at that time, I needed to write it.

I can’t remember the exact words I’ve written, but it’s about things, behavior, principles, and what-not of being a mother.

“When I grow up, I will be a different mother.” Yep, that’s the title.

At that age, I knew exactly what kind of a mother I will be for my future children. It’s clear to me that I don’t want to follow and embrace my mother’s ways. But it’s safe to say that from what I learned from my mother (and father), I taught 20% of it to my daughter but the remaining 80% is totally mine.

Nope, there’s no hatred in it. There are just some things she did for us and said to us that didn’t sit well with me but which she thought were the right things to do and say, if you know what I mean.

I’d like to think that something might have happened which prompted me to create my own style of bringing up a child and write about it when I had the chance to. But I can’t remember.

Now, don’t get me wrong here. I am very close to my mother. We talk a lot, we laugh, we share secrets, she scolds me when I do wrong – you know, the typical mother and daughter thing. She’s not perfect, I know that, but no one is.

From the closeness I have with my daughter, I’d say, I succeeded to be the kind of mother I wanted to be for her.

Our relationship is the kind where she can completely be open with me. She speaks to me as a daughter, friend, a teacher and an older sister (especially when I insist on eating junk foods!). There is no fear, no hesitation, no awkward moments between us. There is only respect.

She is perfectly aware that I am her mother first before I am her bestfriend. And that seals her respect towards me.

If there’s anything, I’d be happy if my daughter sees me as a role model in bringing up her children. With that, it only means that she loved the way I brought her up.

I’d like to hear her say, “When I grow up, I would like to be… like my mother.”

What’s in a name?

Ever wonder where your name came from?

My daughter did. Her name is Mikaela. Yes, you’re right, Mikaela. But we call her Kellie.

One day, when she was seven years old, she asked where her name came from and why I gave it to her. So, I told her the story behind it.

Back when I was in first grade, me and my three other siblings studied in a Christian school. Every Wednesday, we have a Bible study in the auditorium from Nursery kids to Tenth graders. One Wednesday, our moderator talked about the Book of Daniel. On Daniel 12:1, it says: ‘And at that time shall Michael stand up, the great prince which standeth for the children of thy people…’

And I thought, wow, he stands up for the children! I initially admired him. Then, in the coming days, I read in Revelation 12:7, ‘Michael and his angels fought against the dragon…’ And the more that my admiration grew.

Right then and there, I decided that if and when I’ll have a son, I’ll name him Michael so he will stand up for the children of the world. Such childish thinking, you may say.

But then, The Lord wanted me to have a daughter so I named her Mikaela which means ‘who resembles God?’ And, boy, what a beautiful girl she is! Well, of course, she’s my daughter! 😄😄😄

Now, this is just me. It really doesn’t matter what name you give to your children. What’s important is they’re healthy and happy.